Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
