i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
