I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
