I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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