over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
