why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
