I will die if light touches me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
