New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
