How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
