worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Enjoy the penises
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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