i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
