The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I want to be your penis for a week.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
