I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
