youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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