dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
