so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
