I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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