Jerry, you need to find god
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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