I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
