i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
