I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
