the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
