I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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