I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
