o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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