It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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