i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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