Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We have started to decorate penises.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
