Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
