The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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