Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
