I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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