he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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