Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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