I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
