It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
