Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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