Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
