A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
