he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
