I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
