I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
