I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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