i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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