fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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