they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
