Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
