u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
