You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
