lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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