the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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