ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
