She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
