I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
